timsellers.net/blog

29/04/06 : Before the first post ...

So . . . I do the sidebar. Set it to float:left so that the main area with the actual posts wraps neatly around it. Write a test post, publish. Discover that the main area gets forced below the sidebar. Check the template. Browser specific CSS positioning problems? Can't see any. Make a few alterations. Republish. Discover that the main area gets forced below the sidebar. Get cross. View source of published page. Discover that blogger has wrapped each post in a <div style="clear: both;"> tag. Did I ask them to do this? No! Is it part of the template where I can remove it? NO!

So . . . I re-write the template with absolutely positioned div tags (which needs adjusting about five times as different browsers render it slightly differently). Stuck with a big left margin for the main area once you get below the sidebar, but it'll do.

div style="clear: both;" I tell you! Bastards!

UPDATE (a little later)

Discover the option "Enable float alignment" on the formatting page. Turn it off.

So . . . I rewrite template so it's how it was to start with . . .

UPDATE (much, much later)

Get rid of sidebar altogether (new streamlined layout, looks better on small screens).

30/04/06 : Well, hello there!

Ok, this is my personal blog - not about any particular subject, just life in general, with the occasional expletive filled rant thrown in for good measure.

So, a bit about me:

Name: gee, see if you can work this out . . .
Birth year: 1972
Location: England, south coast
Family: Married, 2 kids

Many blogs have a post called "100 things", where snippets of information are given about the author. This is my version, cunningly entitled "73 things". If I write a post on the subject of any of these "things" I'll add a link to that post by the side.

1. I'm an optimistic pessimist.
2. I expect the worst to happen but don't care enough to worry about it.
3. At my best, I think I look rather dashing.
4. I rarely look my best.
5. Employment wise, I do as little work as I can get away with.
6. People think I'm lazy.
7. "Non-depressive lethargic" is probably a more accurate expression.
8. Besides, I actually like spending time at home with my family.
9. And I'm against the whole concept of "wage slavery".
10. If I cared about politics I'd be a radical progressive liberal socialist type person.
11. I don't care about politics.
12. I tend to do what I want and let others get on and do what they want.
13. I like playing through old Nintendo games.
14. I suffer - fairly mildly thankfully - from OCD.
15. Before going to bed I have to go round the house checking that everything is switched off at the plug, having to stare at each plug for several seconds to really make sure it really is off.
16. I then return to check again a few minutes later.
17. I am fully aware that these things are switched off from the start.
18. I'm a very strong atheist.
19. I play the organ at a church ...
20. ... it is a very liberal church and they know I don't share their beliefs (although I don't imagine they are aware that I have a website entitled Religion is Bullshit!)
21. I like to cook.
22. And eat.
23. Italian, Chinese, Indian.
24. Cake.
25. I should be a bit on the podgy side.
26. I'm not.
27. I like real beer and red wine. And the occasional vodka and orange.
28. I drink lots of tea.
29. I am ... THE TEAMAKER ... I could walk into a complete stranger's house and within a few minutes would be making them all a cup.
30. I started piano lessons at the age of eight.
31. I passed my Grade 8 at fifteen.
32. I wasn't a good enough performer to go to one of the musical colleges and didn't get good enough A-level results to go to university.
33. I think my mum is under the delusion that I could have been a famous concert pianist.
34. As well as music, I took maths and physics at A-level.
35. Somebody told me that you could do anything if you passed maths and physics at A-level.
36. They didn't tell me that this is because you have to be a genius to pass maths and physics at A-level.
37. I failed maths and physics at A-level.
38. For several years I played keyboards in a rock band called Vagabond Kiss.
39. We could have been really good.
40. We weren't.
41. We played 80s style rock.
42. It was the mid 90s.
43. When the drummer left we decided to change style slightly and do without keyboards so that I could play drums. My greatest regret of the time was that the band split up before doing any gigs with me as the drummer.
44. On two occasions I have been arrested and had to spend the night in a police cell.
45. The first time was when me and a group if friends were chilling out on the roof of a building we had climbed on to.
46. Large numbers of police - with dogs - arrived to arrest us. They thought we were trying to break in.
47. The second time was when I lied to cover for a friend over a driving offense.
48. I had to be in an identity parade.
49. I was number 8.
50. The witness picked out number 2.
51. I bumped into number 2 in the pub a few days later.
52. The experience taught me that most police officers don't actually care about the truth, they just want to make an arrest and get a conviction.
53. I relate to "80s culture", presumably because I was a teenager at the time.
54. The fashions (and the music) were colourful and fun without the tackiness and huge-brown-flowery-wallpaperyness of the 70s. The politics might have been scary but at least that gave the alternative comedians some good material.
55. I was seriously into electronic music (Pet shop boys, Erasure, Depeche mode, Human League etc).
56. When the acid-house / rave / dance / whatever-you-want-to-call-it scene started I starting listening to rock music.
57. I also like 80s films, from teen stuff like Ferris Buellers Day Off to blockbuster stuff like Back to the Future.
58. I spent a lot of time back then sat in front of a computer (firstly an Acorn Electron, then a BBC Micro) playing games and writing programs.
59. I also spent a fair bit of time in video games arcades.
60. I like "britcoms" - from Fawlty Towers to Blackadder (I can probably recite the entire script to series II!) to Red Dwarf to Coupling, I'm Alan Partridge etc.
61. I was obsessed with Star Wars as a kid.
62. The Star Trek films were also good (although the original series seemed dated to me even as a kid).
63. I've got a bit of a thing for The Next Generation.
64. And Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which is probably the best TV series ever made.
65. I feel more comfortable in the company of women that I am with men.
66. Perhaps because I don't like the "macho" thing - I don't care how "hard" someone is, or how many "birds" they've had (I have sex because it's kinda nice, not to prove what a man I am).
67. I can appear quite shy.
68. But I'm an extrovert ... on the inside ...
69. I like the expression "a dark horse".
70. I like night.
71. I hate morning.
72. My mum - a rare genuine person - thinks I'm a misfit.
73. I'm not a jigsaw piece!

03/05/06 : Old games

I have finally completed Zelda II : The Adventure of Link. For the NES. From 1988.

Ok, I haven't actually been playing it since 1988 - I didn't even have an NES then - Sarah had it before I met her. The last time I played the game was about five years ago, and I got bored of it before completing it (as I did with the first Zelda game, which I got from Ebay not that long ago). Still, I'm glad I did it, and I enjoyed it more this time. It's probably the most difficult of the series. I guess now I'll have to play the first one - just so that I can say I've completed them all.

Then perhaps I'll try to complete Twin Kingdom Valley - an adventure I had on my Acorn Electron / BBC Micro. Which I did have in 1988.

04/05/06 : Sunny day

Ahh, Beclomethasone dipropionate . . . the taste of summer . . .

08/05/06 : My deadly sins

I think the results are quite accurate ... I particularly like the last bit!

How Sinful Are You?

Obviously hell is a mythical place - although if such a place did exist, it would be rather more interesting than heaven. Hell would be full of the people who had done cool stuff and heaven would be full of Christians.

Having said that, I bet most Xians would get a higher figure than me if they took this test - and are sloth and lust really that bad compared to the others?

16/05/06 : Been busy

Helped Sarah re-write one of her websites (here).
Finished Zelda 1 (NES) and Eternal Darkness (GameCube - excellent game).
Started re-playing Conker's Bad Fur Day (N64).
Accompanied / played in a church social evening for the minister's retirement (deluded in his beliefs like the rest of them, but a nice guy - shame to see him go).
Did a recital for (mainly) old people at the church.
That's about it.
Interesting stuff to follow soon hopefully.

22/05/06 : How to spoil a good rock song

I like the Mark II Deep Purple line up, but I'm not so familiar with the really early stuff. The song Black Night is generally well known, but I knew it from a live version. On listening to the original recording (on a greatest hits album) I discovered to my great annoyance that it is one of those songs spoilt by one thing.

Clapping.

I'm not talking about the electronic clap sounds that littered 80's pop songs; this is the feeble, not completely in time clapping performed by a few people who were probably just hanging around in the studio at the time of the recording.

Why the producer thought that this would be a good idea I don't know; perhaps he thought that it would give the song "a lift". It doesn't. An interesting drum part is obscured and the whole song gets a "singalong" feel.

If anyone knows of any other songs that commit this dreadful crime, let me know! Off the top of my head I can think of two others:

Boston - More than a feeling
The Beatles - I Want to Hold Your Hand

28/05/06 : Talking 'bout the weather

The weather is a frequent topic for an English pleasantry - but it is sometimes worthy of discussion due to its weirdness. Over the past few days its been hot and sunny for a few hours before suddenly chucking it down with rain, only to be hot and sunny again a little while later.

I've been gardening during the sunny intervals and as I'm trimming bushes (stop snickering!) all these bugs and things are running away in terror and I feel like a complete git. I think I must have been a Buddhist in a past life or something.

The main reason for doing the gardening is that the letting agents are coming round on Wednesday for an inspection. Why they bother I don't know - we've been here for nearly three years and haven't trashed the place so far. The woman who does the inspection only stays for about 30 seconds but it still feels like a massive invasion of privacy. Still, it does force us to actually do some cleaning and stuff.

Anyway, after the gardening I was sat on the sofa and Rosie shoved a microphone in my face, expecting me to say something interesting. I said the first thing that came into my mind, which for some unknown reason was "No one would have believed in the last years of the nineteenth century that human affairs were being watched from the timeless worlds of space". I then felt the urge to listen (in part) to Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of War of the Worlds, and - obviously being in the mood to listen to slightly strange 70's concept albums - followed it with Rick Wakeman's The Myths and Legends of King Arthur and the Knight of the Round Table, which April did a stately dance to and Sarah told me was crap.

30/05/06 : Top Gun

As it was just on the TV and I have nothing else to do right now, I thought I'd review the afore mentioned 20-year-old film.

Ace fighter pilot - bit of a wild card - goes to an elite training school. Falls for cute female instructor. They fuck in silhouette. His friend gets killed. He quits. He returns. There's a battle. Good guys win.

Actually, if you can ignore the jingoism, it's a great film - entertaining and visually stunning. Great soundtrack too, which I'll have to re-buy someday.

I actually remember going to see it with my dad and step-brother when I was 14. Nearly 20 years ago . . . makes me feel old!

05/06/06 : Pasta bakes

I said in the intro post that I liked to cook (and eat) so I thought from time to time I'd post a recipe.

Here are two pasta bakes - one very simple, the other more complex (I think I prefer the simple one). They'll serve 2 on their own, but might do 3 or 4 if you add a salad, garlic bread or whatever. You also need (yes need) red wine to go with them (and to add to the sauce). Both start with the same thing:

Basic tomato sauce

Put a large pan over a medium heat and add about 2-3 tablespoons of good quality olive oil. Fry 1 small finely chopped onion for a few minutes until softened, then add 2-3 cloves crushed garlic. After a minute or so add about a teaspoon of dried oregano (dried is fine) then just a splash of red wine. Turn the heat up slightly then add a standard sized tin (400g) of chopped tomatoes in juice. Cook for about 10 minutes until reduced to about 2/3 of the original quantity.

Simple Pasta Bake

As well as the tomato sauce you'll need:
250g pasta (penne)
1 standard sized mozzarella ball (drained)
Grated hard cheese (I prefer a fairly strong cheddar)
Black pepper

Slice the mozzarella thinly, then chop 2/3 of the slices into small chunks. Throw these into the hot sauce and stir gently until more or less melted. Pour into a casserole dish taking care to ignore the fact that it looks utterly repulsive.
Cook the pasta in boiling water until not-quite done. Drain then add to the sauce, mixing thoroughly and pushing everything down so that the top is level.
Cover with the remaining mozzarella, loads and loads of the grated cheese, and finally loads and loads of freshly ground pepper (for best results crush half a teaspoon of peppercorns in a pestle and mortar)
Bung it in an oven pre-heated to 190°c (gas mark 5) for about 25 minutes.

Chicken and Broccoli Pasta Bake

As well as the tomato sauce you'll need:
250g pasta (fusilli tricolore)
Chicken - either cook 1 chicken breast or use leftovers
Broccoli - a handful, chopped into very small florets
Flour (about a tablespoon)
Butter (about a tablespoon)
Milk (about 200ml)
Grated hard cheese (I prefer a fairly strong cheddar)
Black pepper

Cook the pasta in boiling water until not-quite done. Drain then add to the tomato sauce, mixing thoroughly and pushing everything down so that the top is level.
Cook the broccoli in boiling water for 1-3 minutes, depending on size (once you get the knack of the timing, you can cook it with the pasta)
Push the chicken and broccoli into the pasta, leaving the tops of the florets poking out so they go nice and crispy.
Make a fairly thin white sauce by adding the milk (cold) to a pan with the butter and flour. Cook over a medium heat - whisking continuously - until thickened. Turn off the heat and add some of the cheese (not too much - it only needs to be slightly flavoured) and a little cream if you have some.
Pour the sauce over the pasta, leaving some of the broccoli poking out, then cover the whole thing with loads of cheese followed by loads of black pepper.
Bung it in an oven pre-heated to 190°c (gas mark 5) for about 25 minutes.

07/06/06 : Sodding world cup

World cup fever is about to hit the UK again.

Not liking football - or being patriotic (which I see as a socially acceptable form of xenophobia) - I find this deeply irritating. It's not just that the TV schedules are taken over by football - virtually everything media wise suddenly has a football theme - even advertisements for things that have nothing whatsoever to do with "the beautiful game".

The thing that pisses me off the most though? The complete turds who, in between the grunting chants of "in - ger - land", think it's a great idea to stick English flags everywhere. On their cars, on their clothing, hanging from their windows ... everywhere. Still, I suppose if I get amnesia I'll at least know what country I'm in.

This, from the ever brilliant Charlie Brooker:

Rejoice! Thanks to the national obsession with football, the cross of St George has finally been reclaimed from the racists. Nowadays, when you see an England flag on a car, sprawled across a T-shirt, or flapping from a novelty hat, you no longer assume the owner is a dot-brained xenophobe. Instead you assume he's just an idiot. And you're right. He is.

Read the whole thing here. The comments are fun too - I particularly liked this one:

I am assuming that Mr. Brooker also considers those that wear overt product labels on their clothes as being suitably idiotic.

I would guess that he does, yes.

03/07/06 : A new post!

For the most part since the last time I posted, it's been hot and sunny - stupidly so over the past few days. The sort of weather that makes people moan about the heat (when it gets cooler the same people complain about the fact that summers are now crap and not as good as when they were young).

The summer may be all very nice and that, but it's not particularly interesting to write about.

In non-outdoor related activity, I've played through Super Mario Sunshine (great game, but the lack of variety means that you can only play it when it's sunny), Banjo-Kazooie (small but perfectly formed), Glover (even smaller but entertainingly weird), Conker's Bad Fur Day (the antidote to cute platformers) and am currently playing Metroid Prime again, which is perhaps the best game I've played (apart from the Zeldas anyway). I've also been watching Buffy Season 5 and am working my way through the Star Wars and Star Trek films. And I read Ben Elton's Dead Famous, which I got for Christmas about three years ago (the first novel I've read from the once brilliant Mr. Elton - and it's not bad) and have started re-reading Are You Experienced? by William Sutcliffe - possibly the funniest book I've read.

That's about it for now. If anything interesting happens, I'll be back ...

24/07/06 : Tim does a course

I have just finished a two week course that the Jobcentre insisted on sending me on.

I was sent on one of these courses when I was out of work some years ago. I was taught the "proper" way to write an application letter, fill out forms and write a c.v. - all very patronising stuff - and I remember having to take back the c.v. produced on my behalf to get them to correct all the grammatical errors. It wasn't quite so bad this time, although the whole thing could have been compressed into a few days if all the irrelevant stuff had have been left out.

There were nine of us in the group, with ages ranging from eighteen to fifty-something. They all seemed pleasant enough, but none of them were people I would normally hang around with. Presumably to overcome any awkwardness, the second day of the course consisted of "team-building activities" at some place in the forest, where we helped each other around obstacle courses and stuff. This was almost fun, although no one managed to work out how any of it was supposed to help us get back into work. There was also an archery competition (I was almost chuffed at winning this) and absailing.

The c.v. I had done was actually quite good, but pretty much everything else was pointless. For example, there was video about how to overcome the problems of applying for a job if you have a criminal record. Which no one in the group had. I made no effort to hold back the laughter at what was the most badly acted thing I had every seen.

The course must have cost the Jobcentre a fortune - it was in a conference room in one of the posh hotels in Bournemouth, and we had a cooked lunch provided every day. There was this manager-type person carefully watching us during breaks, presumably in case we nicked something or trashed the place. It must have been awful for him having such undesirables soiling his hotel.

Anyway, as a result of spending more time than usual actually looking for jobs, I got one ...

08/08/06 : Tim gets a job

I lost my last job on the day April (youngest offspring) was born.

In some ways this was a bad thing. I liked the job. It was at a small music shop selling printed music, accessories and some instruments. There was a friendly, relaxed atmosphere (although it did get very busy at times) and many of the customers were professional musicians who I knew fairly well already.

In other ways it was a good thing. New born babies are a lot to cope with and I was around to help out (and watch her development). Plus of course I'd rather be doing what I want at home than wasting my life away at some job . . . unfortunately, once you've been out of work for a few months you get hassled by the Jobcentre to apply for any old shitty job. And they send you on pointless courses.

Anyway, I am now a delivery driver for a wholesale food company. I'm mainly covering the weekends, so I get lots of time off in the week - and the job itself isn't too bad. Getting up at 4 a.m. isn't particularly pleasant, especially as I have to be in bed the night before by 11 p.m. rather than about 2 in the morning (I'm naturally a night person) - and driving to work on virtually empty streets in the dark is just weird. The advantage though is that I've finished by about lunchtime and have the rest of the day free.

The first couple of hours work are generally boring - picking orders from the warehouse and loading them onto the van. It's much better once I'm in the van though - I like being on my own just getting on with it, I can listen to the radio and I quite enjoy driving a big van around (it's amazing how much less crap you get from other drivers when you have a larger vehicle).

The van is long as well as just big, and there are some tight spots to get into. There are restaurants right on the seafront for example - the picture below (taken on a rather overcast day - autumn is on it's way) shows the steep, narrow slip road down to the beach at Southbourne.

Another regular drop is on the beach front near Bournemouth pier - easier to get down to, but once there you have to reverse for about 500 metres along the beach road avoiding all the other delivery vehicles, stacks of deckchairs, canoes - and the blind/suicidal holidaymakers.

The sad thing (in a way) about doing this job is that, after thirteen years, I've had to give up my position as organist at Iford United Reformed Church. I did actually like a lot of the music, and I'll particularly miss the services at Christmas and the Easter cantata. And being an atheist church organist was a interestingly bizarre experience ...

31/08/06 : Proms and stuff

I'm currently enjoying the televised proms concerts on the BBC. There's been some good stuff - Tchaikovsky 4, Sibelius 5, Shostakovich 7, and Beethoven's 3rd Piano Concerto nicely played by someone I'd not heard of before - who unfortunately is one of those people that pulls the kind of faces while playing that make him look as if he's constipated. Which reminds me of a bad joke:

Q. What's brown and sits on the piano stool?
A. Beethoven's last movement...

More good stuff to follow - Beethoven 9 on Sunday, Shostakovich 10 next week - and then the last night to look forward to ...

Actually, I hate the Last Night of the Proms. I'm just not the flag waving type (as this post shows). I'm not going to go on about it here - I posted about it on my old blog (here) and there's an interesting Comment is Free post on the subject here. This comment, from "WillDuff", pretty much sums up my feelings:

... the dreadful impression this gives of the UK, and the dreadful impression this gives of classical music. Classical music is marginalised and derided by politicians and the media ... this is partly because it is perceived to be middle-class, elitist and irrelevant. So if the main view that people have of classical music is a bunch of pompous idiots creaming themselves over Land of Hope and Glory - which undeniably belongs to a long-gone era - what hope has music got?

I'll probably still end up watching though.

23/10/06 : Um, hello again

Nearly two months have passed without a post. There is a simple reason for this; I'm kind of a bit crap at blogging. I have an idea for a blog and I like setting it up and designing the template and all that, but before long the novelty of actually writing stuff wears off and it just becomes a chore.

It's a particular problem with this blog as I'm not writing about anything in particular, just everyday life. Everyday life is (mostly) quite pleasant, but it probably doesn't make for interesting reading.

I'm not giving up though - I think what I'll do is widen the scope, adding the odd rant (like in my previous blog) and linking to interesting bits and piece that I find.

So, ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats - exciting and interesting posts coming soon. Maybe.

03/11/06 : Brrrr!

You know that winter is on its way when it's warmer in the walk-in fridge at your workplace than it is outside.

(Note to self: Must stop saying "They really should get some heating in this room" when going into the freezer section. It was slightly funny to start with but I'm starting to annoy myself with it now).

04/11/06 : Beeb stuff

I picked up HTML (and CSS) over the years, and consider myself quite proficient now. I know what I need to know in PHP. But BASIC - specifically BBC BASIC - is the only actual programming language that I ever learnt (and mastered).

I actually still had a BBC Micro until a few years ago, before it finally gave up the ghost and went to Silicon Heaven. I then discovered emulators (like BeebEm) and have recently found BBC Basic for Windows - allowing me to write stuff in BASIC that can be compiled and run on any Windows PC. This means that I can once again delight my family by writing those text-adventures I used to write years ago.

(Actually, delight isn't quite the right word. I think they think I'm a bit sad for bothering. But I shall make them play my games anyway! Bwa ha ha ha ha!)

Anyway, if you're bored, you can download a re-written version of a game I wrote years ago: Darkhall Manor (94.1k, should run from any Windows machine, work safe).

27/11/06 : Filling a gap between proper posts

One guy who can't actually play drums or piano and some timeline editing - this is cool!

[via Crooked Timber]

12/12/06 : Spaggy bolly

Having just watched entertainingly weird "culinary alchemist" Heston Blumenthal make Spaghetti Bolognese, I thought I'd offer my own - rather simplified - version for those who don't want to get up at the crack of dawn to prepare their evening meal.

The name "Spaggy Bolly" by the way comes from a silly rhyme that happens to fit to a song by Madness. It still sounds better than "Spaghetti Bolognese" - and considerably better than "Spag Bol", which is used by posh people who think that they can make themselves sound cool by abbreviating words.

Anyway, you will need:

500g good quality minced beef
3-4 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 large onion
1 carrot
3 large cloves garlic
600g chopped tomatoes in juice (1½ normal tins)
1 tsp dried oregano (you can add fresh herbs near the end if you want)
200ml beef stock
200ml dry-but-fruity red wine

Put a large pan over a medium-high heat. Chuck in the beef cook for about 5 minutes, stirring pretty much continuously, until thoroughly browned. Push it to one side of the pan and then tilt the pan so the fat and gunge runs into the gap. Skim off with a spoon. Stir in the stock and put the pan a low heat while you sort out everything else.

Dice the onion and carrot. Put another pan on a low heat, add the oil and gently fry the onion and carrot until soft.

Crush the garlic and add to the pan, cooking for a minute or so before adding the oregano and, after a few seconds, the wine.

Turn up the heat and add the tomatoes, then the beef and stock. Stir until the mixture comes to the boil, then turn the heat down to the lowest setting and cook, stirring occasionally, for as long as possible (about 2 hours).

The mixture will serve four - still make the same amount if there are only two of you and freeze the rest.

If serving over spaghetti, use good quality dried pasta (125g per person) and make sure it's slightly undercooked. Alternatively use the sauce to make lasagne.

03/01/07 : Christmas, new year and all that

I make a point of not going anywhere on New Year's Eve. Go to any social gathering and you have to put up with people desperately, and in an over-the-top manner, trying to have a good time because they feel they should. It's all so fake. So, we stayed in with good food and drink and watched Jools on the telly.

Christmas this year went without any hitches, family arguments, murders and the like, which was nice. There was also a perfectly cooked dinner by me, perfectly made Christmas pudding from my mum, and a perfectly made Christmas cake by Sarah.

Presents (not including the boring but needed clothing items but including the stuff I got on my birthday a couple of weeks before) -

Books by James Herbert, Val McDermid, Douglas Adams and Richard Dawkins
CDs of Mozart, Tchaikovsky and Iron Maiden (musical schizophrenic, me)
DVDs - Tom and Jerry (best cartoons ever!), The Matrix trilogy and Buffy Season 6 (just one left to get).
Metroid Prime 2 (Gamecube - loved the first game, couldn't ever find this one, presumably Sarah got it from Ebay) ...
... and the thing that's been taking up most of my free time since ...
Twilight Princess (Gamecube - yes, I know it's also out on the Wii, but I haven't got one yet - and I'm not sure I'm ready for a "revolutionary control method", at least not for Zelda).

Anyway, if I had a new-years resolution it would be to post more often on this blog. But I don't bother making resolutions because, presumably like most people, I don't actually end up making much effort to keep them.

02/02/07 : "January"

The month has been a bit shit really, ending with the entire family being ill. I spent two days in bed with a ten-tonne head, my uncontrollable shivering interrupted only by violent coughing fits in which my body tried to expel great green globules of crap from my throat. I then spent several days feeling pathetically weedy, where all I wanted to do was snuggle up under the duvet against warm flesh (I'm not talking about sex, it's just that a cuddle is so much nicer when it's against an actual person rather than a bundle of clothes. Similarly, sex isn't the same with barrier methods of contraception - it's more like two people using each others bodies for mutual masturbation. And as I appear to be digressing, I'd like to warn people that Complan contains milk powder, so make it with water not milk to avoid it being overly rich and making you feel worse. Note however that this does not apply to Alpen - which, despite containing milk powder, should under no circumstances be made with water).

Other than that, not much to report. So, to the news.

The most memorable story had to be the racism thing in Celebrity Big Brother. I am truly amazed how seriously this was taken. I mean, it's just a shitty T.V. programme in which has-been or not-quite celebrities desperately try to make themselves appeal to the public in the hope of starting or rekindling a career. I don't think there was any real racism anyway - at least not intentional racism, just someone unpleasant having a rant using some badly chosen words (and plenty of people are guilty of that).

Then there was the Catholics, insisting that they are not discriminating against gays, but wanting to be exempt from anti-discrimination laws . . . I wonder if they would consider the matter of a Neo-Nazi doctor refusing to save the life of a dying Jew because it was "against his beliefs" an entirely different thing?

Finally, the editor of the Daily Mail (if you've read stuff I've written elsewhere you'll know how much I hate the Mail and everything it stands for) having a go at the BBC and accusing it of having a left-wing bias. Right wingers are always accusing the Beeb of having a left wing bias. Such people seem to have a "if you're not with us, you're against us" attitude, as if not sharing their right wing views means that you're automatically a communist or something. He (the Daily Mail editor) said that, as the majority of people have relatively conservative views (probably true unfortunately) the Beeb, being publicly funded, should reflect this. What he's done though is completely miss the point. The BBC isn't supposed to reflect the majorities views, it's supposed to be impartial. That means reflecting different views. Showing things from all angles. Which it does better than anyone else. Look, I like the BBC. It's not perfect, but has the most honest news service around and, for the most part, makes the best programmes. And I also support the licence fee, which allows it to be impartial. As well as ensuring that what you're watching isn't interrupted by patronising adverts every 15 minutes. And the website is great too.

Ok, that's it for today - see you next month?

22/02/07 : Blair, cars, tax, money and stuff

I was thrilled today to receive a personal Email from Tony Blair. Well, I say personal - about 1.7 million people received the same message . . . yes, I was one of those people who signed the Road pricing petition. Not because I'm a petrol-head or anything - although I shamefully admit to finding Top Gear entertaining - in fact I'm quite green minded. I agree that there should be fewer cars on the road. I just don't think this sort of tax works. I'm also not overly fond of the idea that my car will be constantly tracked.

There are two problems making people pay to use certain roads at certain times.

1. If you happen to live (or work) in the wrong place, you're pretty much buggered.

2. The fact that poor people [Warning: anti capitalism rant ahead] will be affected while the rich can carry on and do whatever the hell they want (at the slight inconvenience of shelling out more cash).

Actually, If I had my way, there would be no such thing as money. People would still work, but only for the minimum hours necessary (as there wouldn't be a capitalist system to support, with the ridiculous number of steps between producer and consumer where profits have to be made on every step of the way and too much stuff is made and everyone is in competition with each other etc. etc. etc.). Everything people needed would be provided so there would be no point in stealing anything. Concepts like "greed" and "poverty" would die out.

This subject has popped up in conversations before and people generally think life would be boring with no "challenge" if there was no cash to desperately try to grab. Surely there are better challenges than making money and trying to gain power? What about making the world a nicer place to live in? What about creating great works of art, having the freedom to do so without following trends and fashions?

[pointless rant over, night night]

UPDATE:  Charlie Brooker seems to have the same opinion of money as me (although, as one commenter points out, he does at least have some).

14/03/07 : Chicken and mushroom risotto

This is the ultimate comfort food. Easy to eat (like porridge) but with the most amazing flavour (unlike porridge). Obviously risotto is an Italian dish, but the chicken and mushroom - and probably the peas too - make it seem strangely English.

You can use leftover cooked chicken, but for best results put one large chicken breast* (skin side up) in a flameproof casserole dish and cook in the oven for 20-25 minutes at 190° (gas mark 5). Leave to cool then remove and discard the skin before chopping the chicken into whatever size pieces you fancy. Don't wash up the dish!

Ok, as well as the chicken you will need:

Olive oil
A small onion
2 cloves of garlic
A few mushrooms
A glass of dry white wine
250ml risotto rice (yes, that's volume not weight - use a measuring jug)
500ml chicken stock (powdered will do the job)
A handful of frozen peas

Finely chop the onions, crush the garlic and slice the mushrooms. Leave the mushroom slices with bits of stalk on as they are but finely chop the rest (i.e. the end bits).

Put the stock in a pan over a low heat so it stays simmering gently.

The dish that you cooked the chicken in will have some chicken fat and stuff in it - top it up with enough olive oil to cover the bottom and put on a fairly low heat. Fry the onion for a few minutes until soft. Add the garlic and finely chopped mushrooms and cook for another few minutes. Add the rice and stir thoroughly before turning the heat up to just above medium. Chuck in the wine and stir continually until nearly absorbed. Add the sliced mushrooms.

The next stage will take about 20 minutes. You need to add about 100ml of the stock then stir continuously until it's almost absorbed. Add more stock and continue the process. About 5 minutes before the end add the frozen peas, and the chicken right near the end just to heat through. The finished risotto should be sticky and not too dry.

Serves two.

* UPDATE: Actually I'm not sure about this. I recently made it with left over roast chicken and used the carcass to make the stock, which gave the whole thing a sort of "completeness".

27/03/07 : Springtime and kids

After a false start a couple of weeks ago, spring seems to have arrived. I like the different seasons, but get fed up with winter once christmas is out of the way.

The warmer weather makes me feel sort of "free" - perhaps due to not having to keep windows shut or wear protective gear just to leave the house. So to celebrate this feeling of freedom I thought I'd climb a tree (this primate-based habit hasn't left me yet) and take some pictures of the kids!

I saw my dad for the first time in years recently and in our conversation he expressed concern about pictures of our kids being on the net, which wasn't something I had ever thought of as a problem. Then a few days ago there was a phone-in on Jeremy Vine's radio show about some woman who had tried to stop another parent taking photos at a school sports event in case pictures of her kids were on the photos and they "ended up on the internet".

I suppose the fear is that paedophiles are going to get hold of these photos and alter them for some perverted thrill. They're going to have their work cut out though - there are millions of people who have pictures of their kids on their blogs and things. And anyway, I'm sure that these warped people have better things to do (like find real kids to do stuff to, or at least proper kiddy porn sites to looks at). I think this is just a moral panic thing - where certain politicians and media groups play on fears that they themselves have created with the intention of promising to sort out exaggerated problems in the hope of getting support. The support in this case being to "police" the net.

Please people, don't let the internet die! There may be some dodgy content (I'm not just talking about child pornography here) but that's a small price to pay for the best media source ever invented (free speech and access to information on virtually anything from around the world). And anyway, surely it's better that this dodgy content is on display where people can at least keep an eye on it?

08/04/07 : Blogger - ditched!

When I first started writing a blog (this one) I used blogger. It did the job and was easy to set up and use. It always had flaws though. The commenting system which they eventually introduced sucked (I've always used other methods). They've only just got round to allowing you to categorise posts - and that sucks too. And if you edit an old post your feed gets screwed up.

I thought about writing my own blogging platform using PHP to prove how clever I was. Unfortunately it turned out that I wasn't that clever after all. [UPDATE: I become clever at a later date].

I looked at Wordpress and Movable Type but they seemed a bit complicated. Quite by chance I found Thingamablog - and I'm amazed it's not more popular. It runs on your PC, allowing to write posts and edit setting offline. You can write different templates for posts, archives and categories. There are no inbuilt comments, but the template tags are similar to blogger's so Blogkomm works with just a few alterations to the code.

A highly recommended bit of software. There's even a slight chance that it will encourage me to write more often.

18/04/07 : Best. Albums. Ever.

Sarah always thinks it a bit odd on the rare occasions I buy or download something current, like I'm having an early mid-life crisis or something and am trying to get down with da kidz. But out of all the music I own, there are about 20-30 albums I listen to regularly - and they are all rock and all at least 15 years old.

The exact contents of my top ten will vary, but these are the most likely candidates.

The three best Iron Maiden albums - The number of the beast, Piece of mind and Powerslave.
Classic British metal at its finest.

Van Halen - 1984
This album manages to sound like classic rock, modern rock and 80s rock all at the same time, is well produced yet sounds live, and is structured but with an improvised feel. Perfect for playing loudly in the car on a hot day.

Little Angels - Jam
Great songs, great sounding band. This was a number one album, yet no one now seems to have heard of them. This bothers me to the point where I feel the need to provide a sample [UPDATE: original file removed, find song on Youtube]

Yes - Close to the edge
Perfect prog rock. The title track is of symphonic proportions, yet it never sounds overblown.

Queen - A day at the races
Yes, I like this better than A night at the opera. It's just fun and jolly and a little bit silly. Look, I don't have to explain myself to you anyway, so just shut up, right?

Vai - Sex and religion
I'm not a guitarist - I'm not even overly fond of Steve's playing (a bit over the top and not heavy enough). But, if you skip past the filler, there are some fantastic songs on this album.

Bon Jovi - New Jersey
80s heavy but melodic rock at its best.

Guns 'n' Roses - Appetite for destruction
Attitude fuelled rock (from a time that needed it).

I actually had to redesign the blog template to get this post to work. I did have the sidebar set to float:left so that the main column flowed around it, but it was too problematic with other floating elements (like the pics on this post) and couldn't line up lists properly. Sometimes this web design malarkey can be a real pain in the arse.

UPDATE (some time later) - how did I manage to miss off Images and Words by Dream Theater? Or other early prog (Genesis, ELP)?

16/05/07 : Obsessive-compulsive disorder

... or OCD if you prefer acronyms. I thought about writing about this psychiatric disorder and how it affects me following a TV programme about phobias (different thing entirely) and because it's something that most people just don't "get".

There are a number of things that I find myself doing that would just make me appear a little anally-retentive to the casual observer. My CDs are in alphabetical order. If you open my kitchen cupboards you will find all the tins and packets neatly stacked with the labels facing forward (I'd like to point out here that I in no other way resemble the psycho husband from the film Sleeping with the Enemy!)

I often walk past something - an ornament for example - and feel the need to move it slightly so it is at the "correct" angle. I also organise things in groups of four - even my steps as I'm walking along. This sometimes means that I will suddenly have to take an extra long (or short) step to finish a group of four before reaching a kerb. I do this as discretely as possible though - if other people are around I'll make it look like I'm tripping up or something (I'd guess that a lot of people would think that all of this is an attention seeking thing, which it certainly isn't - in fact I've been rather embarrassed on the occasions that I've been "caught out").

Sometimes I might pick up a packet of something in a shop, walk a couple of steps away, then feel the need to return and exchange the packet for another packet of the same product because I'd taken the "wrong" one (usually because I had broken some sort of pattern on the shelf by taking the first one). I even find myself apologising (not out loud thankfully) to the inanimate object for disturbing it ...

The thing that affects me the most is the need to constantly check things. Switches in particular. Before I go to bed I have to go around the house checking that every electrical device is switched off at the plug. I'll stare at the switch for several seconds to make sure it definitely is off. I'll probably have to touch it just to be really sure - usually four times, often sixteen (four groups of four). The fear (I guess) is that if something is left plugged in it will somehow overheat and set the house on fire, although I'm not actually thinking about any such consequence whilst carrying out the checking.

Someone once saw me doing this and told me to get my eyes tested. It's not my eyes that are the problem though - and this is the bit that most people don't get - I am fully aware right from the start that the switch is off. There's just a part of my brain that doesn't quite accept what I can clearly see, forcing me to do more to be completely sure (which I never entirely am).

This may all sound rather extreme, but for the most part I deal with it. I may (for example) check the plugs every night but unless I'm having a bad day it only takes a few minutes. It's frustrating but doesn't run my life. There's no cure though - and I can't see how behavioural type therapies can work because I'm completely aware of the problem and that the things I do are irrational.

[Wikipedia article]

28/05/07 : Tea

At one time, I think I could have quite easily carved out a career as a cat burglar. I am also pretty sure that if I had have ever been caught breaking into someone's house, I would have ended up making the owners a cup of tea whilst waiting for the police to arrive.

The subject of tea seems to have popped up in the news a fair bit recently, ever since Tony Blair mentioned that he wanted to uphold the British tradition of a well-made cup of tea.

Looking through some of the related articles it appears that tea may reduce the risk of both ovarian cancer and skin cancer (that cup of tea in the picture must be a bit cold by the second article).

The latest research recommends using a teapot rather than dunking a bag in a cup.

Now, this is serious. Dunking a bag in a cup?!? I know that non-English people make tea this way (in the movies and on TV at least) but I didn't realise that people over here did that too! I'm shocked! How can people not know that you need to pour BOILING water ONTO the tea - before you even begin to think about milk and stuff?

I feel the need to educate people about this important matter, so here is a brief tutorial (if you think this is all too much fuss, you're working too hard and need to chill out a bit).

How to make the perfect cup of tea (according to Tim Sellers)

You will need:
a kettle full of fresh water
a teapot
a tea strainer
a teaspoon
mugs (not cups)
semi-skimmed milk
sugar
loose leaf Assam tea - preferably Twinings

Method:
Put the kettle on. Shortly before it boils, pour a little water into the teapot and swill it round to heat it up before pouring away.
Put one rounded teaspoon of tea per person into the pot and as soon as the kettle boils, add the water. You'll need to add just the right amount though - it's probably best to practice this beforehand.
Give it a good stir, put the lid on and leave it alone for exactly five minutes (this should give you enough time to find something to go with the tea, as detailed below).
Stir the tea again.
Pour a little milk into each mug - just enough to cover the bottom.
Pour the tea through the strainer into the mugs. You'll need to pour a little into each one to start with - if you fill up the first mug before moving onto the next one you'll find that the first one will be too weak and the last too strong (the finished product should be a rich coppery brown colour).
For best results, add a level teaspoon of sugar.
Stir well, sit down, relax and enjoy.

Tea goes well with most sweet and savoury foods, in particular:
Bacon and eggs
Marmite on toast (ordinary white sliced is fine, I prefer granary, make sure you use proper butter)
Cake (any)
Biscuits. For more on the biscuit issue, have a look at this site. I recommend Digestives (ordinary ones if you want to dunk, milk chocolate ones if not) - which absolutely must be McVities.

05/06/07 : Sarah

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. Nine years - which these days is probably quite impressive!

We've both been married before - her to a jealous, possessive, violent alcoholic; me to the moodiest and second-most self-centred person in the known universe - so it's hardly surprising that neither marriage lasted. I actually remember on my first wedding day pushing away the feelings of doubt with the thought "oh well, if it doesn't work out we can always get divorced in ten years time" (it turned out to be less than three).

With me and Sarah though things are very different. Basically, we just sort of "gel". I can't imagine us not being together, and there's certainly never been anyone else I've wanted to reproduce with. And nothing has diminished over the years. She's still got the same "sunny" personality that she had when we first met, and she's still a babe (cute and girly, slightly hippyish, innocent looking but with a look in the eye that gives just a glimpse of the solid core of wanton filth inside).

There's nothing else I need to say - I'm not going to make my readers feel ill by getting all slushy, so I'll just end with a picture.

10/06/07 : She tagged me

I appear to have been tagged. Apparently I'm supposed to list eight habits or facts about myself before asking eight other people to do the same.

I'm not going to ask anyone else to do it as hardly anyone I know reads this blog. As for the facts and habits, well, I don't have many habits that don't come under the OCD banner, and I've already written a fair few facts about myself here. Still, as I don't have anything else to do at this exact moment in time, here goes:

1. I fidget a lot. Apparently people who do this stay thin, which is great because ...

2. I have to eat at least one piece of cake a day. I just don't know what would happen if I didn't, and I don't intend to find out.

3. Some people play air guitar, I play air drums. Accurately and sometimes quite flamboyantly (but not if anyone else is around).

4. If nervous I find myself repeating sentences. When I was about 15 my maths class was filmed by the BBC for some schools programme. I made the mistake of answering a question. Suddenly the camera was moved onto me and the director asked the teacher to repeat the question so I could be properly filmed giving my answer. The question was repeated. I gave the same answer which, strangely, was "the petrol". My teacher, the git, then decided to continue with further questioning, resulting in me giving further answers of "err ... the petrol ..." several times whilst my classmates tried not to piss themselves and I grew increasingly more embarrassed (fortunately they edited my additional answers out).

5. On another occasion, several years later, I repeated the sentence "Misty up here init?" several times whilst almost being buggered by several men in the woods. This fascinating story probably requires a post of its own.

6. I nearly always wear black.

7. I like old fashioned text based adventure games. Incase you have no idea what I'm on about, here is a version of the first game of this sort which you can download [UPDATE: Original file removed (doesn't work on 64 bit machines) - play online here].

8. I can be very shy in certain situations, which is odd because I have no problem performing on stage in front of hundreds of people.

13/06/07 : They're on a roll

I write this blog for my own benefit, so I'm not trying to be a link-whore or anything by having a blogroll - I just thought, well, why not? So, added to the sidebar is a list of just a few of the sites I regularly read. Explanations below. [UPDATE: Sidebar now removed]

timsellers.net (that'll be me)

sarahsellers.co.uk (that'll be the missus)

Religion is bullshit - also me, although the blog is mainly written by Ben as I usually can't be bothered and he does a better job anyway. The tagline sums it up: "articles and opinions on the absurdity and danger of religious beliefs".

The BBC - great website from the most trustworthy media source around (defended by me here and here)

Guardian Unlimited - not perfect, but one of the few newspapers that seems relevant to a thirty-something liberal like me (CiF is particularly interesting)

Wikipedia - we want ... information ... at the very least this is a good place to start if you're researching stuff

b3ta - known for its photoshop competitions but lots of other fun stuff too (for those with a slightly warped sense of humour anyway)

Bloggerheads - UK political blogging at its best

Scaryduck - local guy, writes about, well, "stuff" really. Read, laugh.

Pub Philosopher - English sociopolitical (is that a genuine word?) blogger, always an interesting read.

Insignificant thoughts - culture, politics and techno-geeky stuff from this New York blogger. I generally disagree with his views (although he sometimes surprises me, and he's less conservative than he used to be) but he's genuine, honest and able to admit when he's got it wrong (and that's pretty rare).

Just a girl in the world - several years ago I clicked on a link to this site expecting ... something else ... I was a little disappointed that the "something else" was only in the background but I stuck around anyway as she was strangely interesting.

A slice of cherry pie - great food blog, nicely presented (but my chicken and broccoli pasta bake is better than hers).

The Sharpener - interesting group blog (I can't be bothered to link to them individually)

Green house by the sea - Sarah deals with most of the homeschooling malarkey, but this is a homeschool blog I make a point of reading regularly

Stupid Evil Bastard - a slightly odd American who I actually do tend to agree with!

Stairway to hell - all things BBC Micro

CSSplay - astounding css-only menus and layouts

A nice cup of tea and a sit down - Mmmm, nice

I'm sure I'll add more as time goes on.

ADDITIONS:
More political stuff, one I should have added earlier, one just discovered, both well written -
Ministry of truth
Obsolete
Webcomics -
Jesus and Mo - features Mr. Christ and Mohammed in a sort of Eric-and-Ernie scenario (sometimes platonically in bed together)
xkcd - slightly odd stick figure webcomic from a physics graduate

03/07/07 : Turn up the radio

A lot has happened in the news recently, but as usual I just can't be bothered to write about it. Instead, here's something far more entertaining.

Cheesy 80s rock probably comes under the "guilty pleasures" banner, and this is about as cheesy as it gets. The song comes from one of the more obscure albums I've got - Sign in please by Autograph (virtually unknown here, a one-hit-wonder (?) in the US).

The video is so bad it could almost be a parody - they all look like complete dicks. Great song though, nice guitar solo too. Enjoy!